Forbidden
by dansyngqueen
Summary: Stan is mesmerized by Kyle's amazing musical talents. Will he be able to confess his true feelings?
1. Both Sides Now

I stood there, mesmerized, staring up at him from my usual spot in the crowd. Like always, Wendy was by my side. My girlfriend. The girl that any of the other guys I know would love to be with. But I fell out of love with her a long time ago. I know it's wrong, but the only reason I'm still with her is because I can't imagine being alone. My heart would twist and turn painfully every night if I didn't have her by my side. I would lie in bed and drive myself crazy with thoughts of the one I truly love.

I remember the exact moment I started loving him. It was my seventeenth birthday party. My parents were actually being cool for once and they spent the night in a hotel so I could have my friends over for a night of wild teenage antics.

It was pretty ironic the way it happened. Wendy knows how much I love spontaneous sex, so as a little birthday surprise, so cornered me into my bedroom and seduced me. It was the hottest sex I have ever had. She was wearing this silky black miniskirt that I didn't dare remove during our passionate encounter, which made it ten times hotter.

By the time we were finished I was so sweaty and thirsty that I desperately needed another beer. On my way to the kitchen I heard the most beautiful voice. I'll never know the reason why, but that voice pierced right through my soul. It was like an angel singing, beckoning me to heaven. I followed the sound of the voice through the hallway. Each note the singer hit seemed to resonate through my entire body.

I literally stopped right in my tracks when I turned the corner and found that the mystery voice belonged to Kyle. I think I stopped breathing for an entire minute. There was my best buddy, sitting on my couch, playing a guitar and serenading a group of random girls. I knew that Kyle owned an acoustic guitar, but I had no idea that he could play so beautifully. And that voice, it was so magical.

I had been so captured by the stunning vocals that it didn't even register in my brain that the voice had belonged to a guy. Kyle was singing about someone; he was describing features. Hair black as night, crystal blue eyes… I felt butterflies in my stomach, was he describing me? It was that very moment that I knew I was seeing him in a different way. Deep down, I hoped that he was singing about me. It felt like a fever was rushing through my body, from my head all the way down to my toes. Why was I feeling this way?

In a dreamy state, I started to walk over to Kyle. I mean, he was singing to me right? All of a sudden I realized that one of the girls sitting by him had black hair and blue eyes. Shit. Damn, I felt like an idiot. He was probably making these lyrics up on the spot. Why in the fuck would Kyle be singing about me? I shook my head, clearing all those crazy thoughts out of it and went to the kitchen to get a beer.

Later on that night, after everyone had left and Wendy was asleep in my bed, Kyle and I were sitting on the couch talking.

"Stan, what was up with you earlier? I saw you standing there staring at me like I was a psycho killer or something," Kyle asked with nervousness in his voice.

"Oh…umm," damn you Kyle! I didn't know what to say. "You can rock out on that guitar man." What a lame response.

"Right. Uh, thanks I guess." I wondered if he knew that was a cover-up.

"Alright, dude I'm gonna go check up on Wendy. There's tons of pillows and stuff down here if you wanna crash," I told him.

"Ok, night Stan."

I stood there for a second. There was so much more I wanted to say, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to ask him who the song was for, I wanted to know when he developed that amazing voice of his. I wanted to tell him that he was the most beautiful person I have ever known. Yet, instead of any of those things, I turned around and went upstairs and got in bed with Wendy.

My love for him has grown every day since the night I heard him sing. I even encouraged him to play at local venues in South Park. It took him a while to get used to the idea; Kyle is kind of a shy guy. Now he plays every Friday night at this little coffee shop called The Empty Mug.

I've never missed a performance. Every Friday night I'm there in the crowd, completely entranced by Kyle. Listening to him play is like experiencing a first kiss over and over again. So amazing, so exciting, yet also so sad; inevitably it will have to end.

It's hard to find the words to describe the way he makes me feel when Kyle plays that sweet music of his. My whole body heats up and my stomach does gymnastics. My heart feels like it could explode with the love I have for him. But I love him in secret, and I always will. I can't even count the number of times I desperately wanted to run up to him, wrap my arms around him and I tell him I love him more than anything in the whole world.

Tonight is no different. He is singing my favorite song. In my eyes, there is no one in the room except Kyle and me. The spotlight is on him, and I can feel his voice rush through me with every beat of my heart. The song is about loving someone you can never have. It's about being filled with love and having to keep it to yourself. I would give anything for him to say that song was for me. I love him so much. Every time I come here to watch him, I imagine what it would be like if he confessed his love to me in front of everyone. He would approach the microphone and say, "Stan, you're my best friend. You know me better than anyone. But there is something you don't know about me. I love you. More than you could ever imagine. All I want is to be with you. Could you ever love me back?" And I wouldn't even have to say anything. I would rush up to the stage, take his face in my hands, and we would share our first kiss.

It wouldn't hurt like this, though. Ouch, Wendy is pinching me. I must really be zoned out. I turn to her and give her a weak smile. I wish I could just tell her how I really feel, but I'm not ready to. I may never be able to.

I return my focus to Kyle. He looks at me. My heart stops. Our eyes remain locked for the rest of the song. When he finishes, he smiles warmly at me. I squeeze Wendy's hand, apparently too hard because she yanks on my arm.

"Stan!" she hisses into my ear. "Let's get out of here, I'm bored!" Damn her! Kyle is announcing to the crowd that he is finished for the evening. I try to make eye contact with him again, but he won't look at me. I have no other choice but to succumb to Wendy's wishes. Maybe I shouldn't come here anymore. I only leave in even more despair than when I arrived.

I want to at least tell Kyle that he did a good job. When I spot him in the back corner of the room, this girl is practically on top of him. I can tell they are in an intense conversation. Then she kisses him. Tears are already forming in my eyes when I thrust my head towards the ground. He'll never love me.

I'm still in shock as I desperately push away the girl who just attacked me.

"Hey! I don't even know your name!" It's the truth. I lift my head and see Stan heading out the door with his gaze on the floor. My heart sinks. This chick has me cornered.

"I'm Samantha," the mystery woman breathes on me. Oh no, how the heck do I get away from her. I turn my head as she tries to kiss me again. I can smell whiskey on her breath. Gross. She is throwing herself on me. I catch Kenny's eyes and give him the most pleading look I can muster up. He understands and comes over. He steps directly in between me and Samantha.

"Hey Sam!" He must know her.

"Kenny? What are you doing?" She seems a little discouraged.

"You look like you need to take a break. Come on, let's go for a walk."

"Ummm….ok." They walk off together. YES! Thank you Kenny. I owe you one. I rush upstairs to my favorite booth and sit down. There is no one up here, so I can write. But tonight I'm not in the mood. I can't believe Stan left! I really thought that we were sharing a moment when I was singing directly to him. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. If only he knew how I felt.

I fell in love with Stan when I was 16. It's been three years and he still has no idea. Each day is harder than the one before. Back when it first happened I thought it was just a silly crush and it would go away on it's own. But it hasn't. In fact, I love him even more now than I did then. Every song I have ever written has been about him. Hell I learned how to play the guitar with the hopes of being able to confess my love to him through song. I don't think I need to say that it never happened. But I ended being a natural at the guitar, so I kept it up. It was Stan who convinced me to be so serious about it. He always tells me that I have an incredible talent. I wish he knew how incredible I think he is. He's always been there for me, ever since we were kids.

Every night I perform here at The Empty Mug, I secretly imagine about what it would be like to confess my love to him on stage, in front of everyone. I would tell him that I wanted to dedicate a song to him. Of course, it would be "Forbidden." Like I said, every song I have ever written has been about him, but "Forbidden" is the one that is the most special to me. It explains exactly how I feel about him. Like I could explode with love. But I have to keep it all to myself, and I always will. Stan is way too good for me anyway. And I couldn't compete with Wendy. Maybe when I leave for college at the end of the summer I'll be able to get over Stan. I hope so. He'll never love me back.


	2. It's Not Over

Ok, so first I want to say thank you to all the people who reviewed this when it was first posted. I know I was a douche puppet for never continuing, but I sort of lost my inspiration. Feeling a bit sentimental, I re-read the story. Let's just say I was hit by a new wave of inspiration. I am SO excited to be writing again. One more thing, music gives me ideas, so there will probably be a lot of song lyrics in here. Hopefully you enjoy!

I was blown away.  
What could I say?  
It all seemed to make sense.  
You've taken away everything,  
And I can't deal with that.  
I try to see the good in life,  
But good things in life are hard to find.  
We'll blow it away, blow it away.  
Can we make this something good?  
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.  
I'll try to do it right this time around.  
It's not over.  
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.  
This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over.

-Chris Daughtry-

**Kyle's POV **

I sigh as I lay my pen down onto the wooden table. I feel like I am running out of feelings. Usually the words just come to me, and my pen will flow for hours. As much as it hurts to admit, I'm going to have to give up on him. I can't just sit around and waste my time hoping that he'll love me. It's time to give up, and get on with my life.

"Kyle, we should really get out of here."

I'm startled out of my thoughts by the short blond who just plopped himself on the opposite side of my booth. For a moment I just stare into his clear blue eyes, as if I'm hoping to find a solution to my problems. Not finding any answers, I glance at my cell phone, which has been lying on the table. 1:33 AM.

"Shit!" I think aloud.

"Yeah dude, we both have to work tomorrow, remember? Better make it there on time if I ever expect to get to college." There's that ever-familiar dusting of bitterness when he mentions the word 'college.'

Poor Ken. He's been slaving away since high school graduation, trying to save enough money to go to school. Often times I feel guilty; my parents offered to pay my tuition if I go. I try to tell them, I'm just not ready. But they put so much damn pressure on me that I agreed to go to school next year. In Arizona. To distance myself from them as much as possible.

"You're right," I say, snapping back to reality. "Were you drinking tonight Ken?" Immediately I regret wasting my breath.

His blue eyes shine and he smiles that crooked grin I've grown so accustomed to.

"Duh!" is his moronic answer.

"Neat. I'm driving then." And I swipe the keys before he even has a chance to react.

"Whatev, dude."

Oh Kenny. Honestly though, I don't know what I would do without him. He's been one of my best friends since we were kids, but it wasn't until junior year of high school that I really learned to appreciate him.

---We were all at Cartman's after Homecoming. His slut-of-a-mother was gone most weekends, and often times we would use that as an excuse to con some homeless guy to buy us beer. Well, Stan had a little too much to drink that night. I could tell by the way he stumbled over his words, his constant swaying, and the laughter that was just a little TOO loud.

To me, Stan is completely adorable when he is drunk! All I want is to shush his belligerent mumbles with soft, wet kisses. Run my fingers through his mussy raven hair. Put him to bed and relish in his drunken giggles while I playfully explore his entire body. These very thoughts were running through my mind when he practically fell into me.

"I need to get out of here," he whispered. The sensation of his hot breath in my ear was enough to set my pants on fire.

After clearing my throat, I attempted to walk off my slowly growing erection by leading Stan onto the back porch. The October night was unusually warm. We both took a moment to breathe in the balmy air.

Stan steadied himself on the railing. "Hey, thanks buddy" he said as he turned to face me. Beneath the drunken glaze his stare was intense. God damn, he is so beautiful. The tallest one of our group, he stands exactly one inch above me at six feet. Six whole feet of the hottest body in the world. At least...what I've seen. And his sexy black hair and that killer smile? Yep, that's what all the girls would say. But that's not why I love him. It's…those eyes. They are what keep me up night after night. Those fucking eyes. Not _just _blue, like Kenny's. They are this chilling deep blue, almost navy. Looking into Stan's eyes is like staring down the barrel of a gun. Your entire life flashes before you, and after that moment, you are forever changed.

"Maybe you should sit the next couple rounds out," I replied, breaking the silence with a nervous laugh. He was so close to me that I could smell him. His signature scent is Isimiaki. Basically like wearing sex in a bottle.

"Kyle," he began softly. "I have to tell you something." I had officially forgotten to breathe. "You're my best friend, and…" he trailed off for a moment, crinkling his brow in thought. God, he is SO DAMN CUTE! "I think what we have is really special."

I about keeled over when he reached for my left hand. Cautiously he played with my fingers as he attempted to read my expression. Instinctively I lowered my eyes to the floor. All I could see through my tunnel vision were the intricate grains of the wooden deck floor. The world around me had frozen. What was he DOING? Was he really that drunk? Could it be possible that…Stan harbored the same feelings that I myself had? Using all of my strength, I mustered up the courage to meet his gaze.

Stan licked his lips. "Kyle, I…"

"STANLEY MARSH! What are you doing out here, studying astronomy?" The shrill voice of Wendy Testaburger caused Stan to throw my hand away as if it was burning him. Ugh, Wendy. Stan's girlfriend. Translation I'm a fucking idiot to think Stan was just hitting on me.

"Hey baby, I was just telling Kyle I wanted to make sure he got home okay." He turned to me, his expression cold and unwelcoming. "Wendy's parents are out of town, and we bought the economy size box of condoms, if you know what I mean!" Then the ridiculous drunken laugh and the playful punch to the stomach. Except, it really hurt.

Oh shit, I thought, I'm about to cry! I balled my hands into fists, fighting the tears with everything I had.

"Hey Kyle!" Suddenly, surprisingly, miraculously, Kenny stepped onto the porch. "I'm about to split, you need a ride?"

Thank you thank you thank you! I simply nod. Talking would bring tears. I kept my eyes on the floor as I followed Kenny off the porch. It was not until we were safely inside Ken's Chevy truck that I succumbed to my body's calling. The tears started to flow. Hot, fat tears. I didn't even care if Kenny saw. I needed the release.

"Kyle, are you ok?" My friend's voice was laden with true concern.

"Yeah dude, my contacts are acting up." Hey, it could be true.

"You like him, don't you?"

And just like that, the tears stopped. It felt like I would be crushed by the suddenly thick air in the truck. I pounded the window button until I could breathe cool, fresh air.

Kenny was studying my profile. I could feel his stare. I studied a small rip in my jeans.

He kept talking. "I saw the whole thing, Kyle. I saw the way you looked at him."

Jeez, Kenny! Don't try to be subtle or anything! The tone in his voice was accusing. I plead the fifth and remained silent.

After what seemed like hours upon hours, the rusty Chevy slowed to a stop in front of my house. Experiencing a severe bout of claustrophobia, I almost ripped the door off its hinges and lunged out the door. Turning back, I waved a casual 'thanks' to Ken. But wait. He was out of the truck as well.

"Kyle." Only kindness and compassion filled my name as the word rolled off his tongue. Unexpectedly, he opened up his arms to me.

Without a doubt in my mind, I rushed into those arms. Kenny squeezed me tight. And I unloaded on him. Silent tears gave way to heaving, racking sobs. On and on I wailed, nearly choking myself. I cried for myself. I cried for Stan. And Kenny just held me. There was no telling how much time had passed, but eventually my eyes dried up and I ran out of tears.

Slowly I pulled away. After one deep inhalation I breathed, "thank you."

He just nodded. And next thing I knew, he had driven off. ---

We've been inseparable since that night. Ken just gets me. And I get him. We keep each other sane, that whole deal. Looking over at him, I can see that his eyes are closed. He's got his head tilted toward the open window, and he's smiling. Probably just enjoying his buzz. Not to mention the incredibly temperate night. It's May, finally warm again in South Park.

As the South Park Mall looms on my right, I get a tinge of reminisce. "Hey, remember Fingerbang?" I ask in a half-laugh.

Kenny eye's open and his smile widens. Then without notice, his peaceful visage is shattered by an explosive laugh. He's still laughing as he leans forward, wrapping his arms around his stomach. I'm cracking up too, his laughter is so contagious. When Kenny laughs, he laughs with his whole body. Sometimes he cries too. Soon I fall victim to my own fit of giggles just from watching him.

Tears are streaming down both of our faces as I pull into our apartment complex. I kill the engine and suck in some air in an attempt to calm myself. Confident, I turn to look at my friend. He snorts and once again we are consumed by laughter. Yep, I'd definitely be lost without Kenny.

**  
Stan's POV**

Love can be a many splendored thing  
Can't deny the joy it brings  
A dozen roses, diamond rings  
Dreams for sale and fairy tales  
It'll make you hear a symphony  
And you just want the world to see  
But like a drug that makes you blind,  
It'll fool ya every time

The trouble with love is  
It can tear you up inside  
Make your heart believe a lie  
It's stronger than your pride  
The trouble with love is  
It doesn't care how fast you fall  
And you can't refuse the call  
See, you got no say at all

-Kelly Clarkson-

Wendy is singing along with her CD player. After leaving The Empty Mug, we are now cruising at 45 mph, headed in the direction of her house. She asked me to spend the night, and like always, I accepted.

The more I listen to the song she is singing, the more I think about Kyle. Love does tear you up inside. It definitely does not care how fast you fall. I should know. I fell hard and fast, practically smacking my head on the ground. But the part that really makes me think is where she says "make your heart believe a lie." My whole life is basically a lie. Okay, maybe I'm being a bit overdramatic, but that's how it feels to me. I've got this girlfriend, we've been together forever. Three years, four months, and five days to be exact. My heart was in it for a little over a year. I know what I'm doing is wrong. Wendy is smart, funny, beautiful…everything a guy like me should want out of life. She's my crutch. Without her, I would just collapse. And so I stay with her, tell her I love her, and try my best to be a good boyfriend. That's all I can do. Huh, who would have thought that some sappy former American Idol could be so insightful?

Wendy takes a break from her singing to look at me. I'm slumped over in the passenger seat, letting the wind blow my hair into my eyes.

"Stan, what's wrong sweetie?"

I'm depressed. I wish I was with Kyle instead of you. "Nothing, babe."

She keeps probing. "What are you thinking about?"

Kyle. "I'm just tired, that's all." I meet her eyes and try my best to smile reassuringly.

She smiles back. "Oh. Well, I hope you're not _too _tired. My parents probably won't be home until pretty late." At this, she reaches over and laces her fingers through mine, then turns her attention back to the road.

Ugh! I'm horrible! She's such a great girl, and I am scum. But I just can't help it. Wendy makes me comfortable. She's my emotional cushion. And yet…my heart doesn't race when I see her. I don't want to ravish her all night, every night for the rest of my life. I don't love her like that.

I'm still brooding as she pulls the silver Cavalier into the driveway. Immediately I notice that her parents are indeed not home. Not that it would matter anyway. We've been together so long that they don't even question my spending the night. Like everyone else, they probably figure we're going to get married. So what does it matter if we do it now or later, right?

Moments later, we are inside her bedroom. Instead of turning on the overhead fixture, Wendy lights two vanilla scented candles. I slip off my shoes and fling myself down onto her luxuriously soft, oversized queen bed. As much as I hate to admit, I really enjoy being here. My inner anguish is really starting to take a toll on me. God, I sound so emo.

When I notice that Wendy is trading her t-shirt and jeans for a tank top and shorts, I too shed my jeans and kick them off the bed. She slides next to me, her body warm. Instinctively I wrap my arms around her. Nuzzling her face into my neck, she whispers a sweet "I love you."

I swallow hard against the lump in my throat. "I love you too, babe." It's not a lie. I know I love her; I'm just not in love with her. Pathetic excuse. I realize this.

She's kissing my neck now. Alternating soft pecks with hungry, sensual nibbles. My body starts to relax as I let out the softest of moans. I close my eyes, and once again my thoughts are of Kyle.

He is teasing me, placing his delectable kisses up my neck and over my jaw line. As he nears my lips, he pulls back to look at me. Our eyes meet, and I'm lost in the beautiful greenish gold haze. He smiles, revealing all of his perfect white teeth. I shut my eyes again, and our lips find each other in the darkness. My mouth opens just enough to let his sweet, soft bottom lip slip inside. As our kiss deepens, I slide one hand protectively behind Kyle's head and use the other to lovingly caress his cheek.

"Oh Stan," he breathes when the kiss is over. Before I realize what's happening, Kyle pins my arms above my head and my body is once again being showered with kisses. My breath catches in my throat while he kisses a fervent trail across my collarbone. Aggressively he continues to move down my chest and stomach. Reaching his destination, he playfully hooks a finger under the elastic of my boxers and coyly looks up at me. I melt. With a fire in his eyes, he lets the elastic snap back against my tender skin, causing me to cry out! Oh God, he's going to make me beg for this!

Slowly, he crawls back up my body, meeting my lips once again. Our tongues find one another, raising my internal temperature. Breathlessly, I pull away, practically whimpering. "Baby, you've got me so hot," I say in hopes that he will stop torturing me.

Kyle's eyes are blazing now. "I know," he whispers, taking the opportunity to give my extremely erect penis a light squeeze. My entire body is on fire now. Kyle makes his way back down to where I need him to be. Inch by inch he pulls down my boxers, knowing full well I might die from anticipation. Just when I feel I can't take it any longer, he captures me with his mouth.

I don't know if I've ever felt this good. My legs are numb, and I feel weightless. There is no one in the world except for Kyle and me. He moves faster, bringing me to the edge of release. My right hand is lost in his thick auburn curls; my left hand is gripping the headboard so tight it might break. Breathing is difficult. I have lost all control. "Oh…God. Oh…Kyle…KYLE!"

Right before I am about to come, he stops. Panting and sweating, I smile because I know the best is yet to happen. And then I can feel someone straddling me.

I open my eyes and am harshly transported back to reality. I realize that it's Wendy on top of me just as she lets me enter her. She rocks forward, kissing me passionately. Soon, our bodies are moving in one rhythm. With a clear head, I refocus my attention on making her feel good. For now, that's all I can do.


End file.
